Week Four Recap—Montana Mile League, Part One

Week 4: 9/28/04 - 10/4/04

Bloodthirsty Scalping Savages 61 at Bay City Steamrollers 95

Arcadia Bobcats 72 at Emerald City Chimps 42

Chicago Long-Horned Beatles 86 at Ocean Beach Surf Riders 103

Rolling Rock Wild Things 93 at Richmond Sluts 63

Joe's Mother Tuckers 70 at The Specialists 53

Mission Manhandlers 88 at Rolling Blackouts 57

Given the controversy in the past week, I thought it might be salutary to start this week’s recap with a quick summary of the philosophy of the Montana Mile League, as developed through the blood, sweat and tears of your humble forgotten commish, while he was working twelve-hour days on a windswept bluff high above the Mississippi, when the cold cut through to his bones and the bitter sun set so quickly behind an unforgiving sky: and it was simply this—that every tactic, every stratagem, every cold-hearted ploy was worthwhile … every muscle pulled beyond springing back and every sigh to the heaven’s above … all this was worthwhile if it could mean achieving nobly that elusive goal, the goal that each one of us joined the Montana Mile League for—the hope of someday feeling in our dirty and sunburnt hands the soft, cool grasp of victory. In as much as I saw that philosophy reflected this week, I applaud. As much as I saw it set to the side and left to rust and rot, I grieve.

Hidden amid the controversy coming from other franchises is the sad fact that the storied Scalping Savages front office is in disarray. Long-winded tales of cruel firewalls, DSL installation woes and unhelpful bosses cannot excuse this, the Savages’ third loss (there’s a rumor going around that the entire Savages coaching staff has decamped to South Carolina, not to regroup, but to lick their wounds far from where the internet could reach them). Failure to motivate the troops must have led to the pitiful performance of Pennington (one point) and Ahman Green (five points). The Steamrollers, meanwhile, took advantage of the Savage’s poor management structure, using double dozens from Priest and Moulds (shouldn’t he really be playing for the Bobcats?) to cruise to an easy victory. No wonder Mrs. Steamroller is angling for a franchise of her own.

And here come the Bobcats! Have you ever seen such grit, determination and good old-fashioned sportsmanship from such an underachieving group of loveable scamps? We all have our little peccadilloes, and if a line of cocaine here and there means thirty-two points from Mr. Lewis one week and nine the next (and nothing the next four), we here in Arcadia country are willing to accept that. After all, we have a new dog—and judging from her love of chasing squirrels and pigeons, this dog hunts! The Chimps are cursed right now by a string of bad choices (it was the system, not the player!), getting points in the teens and worse where they should have expected glory. Santana Moss, I hardly know ye.

To be continued ...