Week One Recap by Glen!

Football finally returned to the Montana Mile League and not a moment too soon. Entering into Week 1, there were plenty of questions captivating MML observers. Would the Rolling Blackouts be able to defend their 2005 title? Coming off radical, off-season plastic surgery, would the Sara Michelle Gellars, aka the Chimps of yore, be able to lay claim to another league best regular season record? And of course the question on everyone's mind, where the f@#! is Crocker Highlands?

Well grab a beer & some chips and settle in for this week's recap to find the answers:

BLOODTHIRSTY SCALPING SAVAGES defeat ROLLING BLACKOUTS 73 - 66
Defending last year's title is clearly going to be a challenge for the Blackouts, as the Savages punched last year's champs square in the mouth on opening day. The BTSS came out with a balanced attack, led by it's receiving corps which produced 29 points. Rookie TE Vernon Davis had an impressive debut, coming up with 5 receptions and a TD. Speaking of rookies, the Blackout's Reggie "I Shoulda Been Numba One" Bush had 8 receptions and 119 all-purpose yards. Alas, Mr. Blackout lacked faith in his second round draft pick and instead elected to go with DeShaun Foster, who stumbled his way to 6 points, defeat, and a COTW nomination for Ron.

ROLLING ROCK WILDTHINGS defeat SUNNYVALE SLAYERS 68 - 65
In this week's nailbiter, the Mr.Freds squeaked past their division rival, thanks to Chargers coach Marty "Not Going to Pass" Schottenheimer. Going into Monday night, the Commish needed 13 points from All-Stud Antonio Gates to grab that all important, opening day W (and to make up for the weak ass performances of Reuben Droughns and Joe Horn). Sadly Philip Rivers completed just 8 passes all night for a measley 108 yards and with that the stake-wielding, petite blondes from Sunnyvale fell short by 4 points. So while the RRWT are off celebrating their solid Week 1 performance, Chimps faithful are left pondering not only a puzzling off-season transformation, but a COTW nomination as well.

CHICAGO LONG-HORNED BEATLES defeat JUGGERNAUGHTS 69 - 54
Bill's Beatles turned its Crystal Gayle Sayers rival into the Jugger-NOTS, thanks to 46 points from the most unlikliest of sources - the Bear's D, K Robbie Gould, and TE Dallas Clark. This more than made up for the horrid performance by Madden '07 coverboy Shaun Alexander. While it's still early in the season, me thinks the curse of the bus-riding, telestrator-mad, mutant turkey-eating one is alive and well. Meanwhile across the gridiron, the Juggernaught's bench looked awfully crowded, with Matt letting 68 points ride pine while Delhomme & the boys generated the week's lowest point totals. 'Nuff said. Hopefully he'll be able to clear out some space this week on it for his COTW nomination.

MISSION MANHANDLERS defeat BAY CITY STEAMROLLERS 77 - 68
The Bay City Boys went into this weekend's matchup looking to break a 10 game losing streak, dating back to last season. Ouch. But while hope springs eternal,unfortunately Sei's Steamrollers ran into pre-season favorite the Manhandlers. While the 'Rollers got good production (29 points) from its ex-Hurricanes TE combo of Shockey and Winslow, it just wasn't enough to overcome Maggie's Manhandlers, who were led by Jeff Wilkins and his 6 frickin' FGs. And with that, Sei's team begins this season just like it ended the last one - with an L and a looming COTW nomination.

ARCADIA BOBCATS OF CROCKER HIGHLAND defeat JOE'S MOTHER TUCKERS 94 - 71
The Bobcats were the butt of much post-draft ridicule, thanks to management's "unique" draft strategy. But the Oaklandish felines quieted many of their critics with an impressive opening day drubbing of the Tuckers. While they may not have discovered the New World, the Cats did manage to find the endzone several times, thanks in part to RB Frank Gore's 2 TDs and 170 all-purpose yards. Maybe that pickup of Josh McCown really wasn't that crazy after all. While there may not have too much that the JMT could have done about the Bobcat's Week 1 leading point totals, starting Steve Smith and his two hamstrings in place of Heath "Out of Bounds" Miller definitely does not help the cause. Neither does the resulting COTW nomination.

OCEAN BEACH SURF RIDERS defeat SF SLUTS 79 - 74
Looking to rebound from a disappointing 2005 campaign, Moy's boys took to the field against their divisional foe looking much like the aging team it did from a year ago. Turning back the clock at least for Week 1, QB Donovan McNabb threw for 3 TDs and over 300 yards, while Tiki Barber ambled his way to 171 all-purpose yards. Still, despite McNabb's rediscovery of his pre-TO form, the OBSR went into Monday night with the slimmest of leads. Thanks in part to 19 receiving points a piece from Donte Stallworth and Tony Gonzalez, the lovable gals from the Bay Area needed just 7 points from RB LaMont Jordan to secure the win. Much to Melissa's chagrin, Jordan could muster up only 20 yards and 1 stinking point, thereby leaving sluts worldwide to lament the victory that was not to be and the COTW nomination that surely is to come.

Before wrapping things up, yours truly would just like to provide a quick Josh McCown update. While 23 other QBs outscored good ol' Josh in Week 1, five others did not. And hey look, Josh just moved up the depth chart in Detroit. So who knows, maybe one day our kids will be reciting the name Schoewe alongside the likes of Columbus, Magellan, Balboa, and Cortez.

And that thankfully was Week 1 in the MML.