Week 6 - 2005 - Recap

Well, considering that I said I'd write the week 6 recap if no one else volunteered, here goes. I don't take any responsibility for the lameness that follows:

SF Sluts 78 at The Juggernauts 79
Juggs bounces reverse Cowgirl all over the QB-deficient Sluts. Tommy Maddox = 1 point. Sluts lose. At least Melissa didn't start the Patriots defense (-9). Sluts with 4 players in double figgs, Juggs with only three. Juggs still win. Thank god for Willis McGhahee (21 points).

Arcadia Bobcats 98 at Rolling Rock Wild Things 62
Mr. Fred only had 76 total points from all 16 roster players. Then again he had 6 players on a bye week. I'm surprised the damage wasn't worse. I was expecting something along the lines of Edward Norton in Fight Club when he throws himself through that glass table. What we merely got was something out of a Harry Potter movie, with Peter playing the part of Voldemort and the hapless 45's cowering like a Weasley. I don't know what I'm talking about, I've never read a Harry Potter book in my life. Tomlie had 32 points, but Peter Bobcat didn't need 'em. Nuff said!

Mission Manhandlers 48 at Rolling Blackouts 53
Stinko game of the week. Blackouts manage ANOTHER victory despite having one of the lowest point totals in the history of Montana Mile League football. I guess it's all about the match-ups, and this year Ron has made the most out of the least. The cursing could be heard from Timbuktu once Randy Moss went down with a sore groin. 0 points from Mission Takeda's first round pick. Hell, at least you don't have the festering sore known as Nate Burleson. Bills DST with 15 points was the highest contributer. Can I go to sleep now?

Bay City Steamrollers 92 at Emerald City Chimps 123
Now my life is complete. I beat the defending champs, and I beat them with Mark Brunell at QB. Granted Mark Brunell has been a stud all year, so I'm glad to use him and 10th round pick Santana Moss. Even a 0 from Tyson Thompson (replacing the loss of #1 pick Deuce McCallister) didn't hinder the Chimps from reaching their 5th straight win. Kudos to aforementioned Moss, 34 points. Sei's team had a good week, but he was just the victim of poor scheduling. Sometimes the 4th highest point total equals a loss in the standings. Sometimes the 2nd highest point total equals a loss in the standings. But as the Chimps can attest to, the highest point total will always result in a W.

Joe's Mother Tuckers 85 at Bloodthirsty Scalping Savages 121
Joe Moto got scalped by Kevin Savage. Too bad he wasn't playing Ron. The Edge had 33 points. The Edge is unstoppable just as long as Marvin Harrison continues to demand double teams. Then again, if they stuff 8 in the box, Peyton Manning may finally wake up. Even 37 points from Shaun "you must give me a contract now because neither of us will be the same if i leave" Alexander was not enough to vault the Tuckers into fantasy bliss. The Savages are looking pretty strong, I pity the fool who has to play them in the playoffs (because I think he's gonna make it after all).

Chicago Long-Horned Beatles 86 at Ocean Beach Surf Riders 91
Bill lost by 5 points. Bill started Joe Horn. Joe Horn didn't play. Bill didn't have any other receivers on his bench. Bill couldn't have done anything to salvage this game unless he had picked up someone through waivers earlier in the week. Now he wants a trade, bitch.

Note from the Commish: you get what you pay for. Kevin should have an easy time out-writing this column. Plus I've been reading too much Bill Simmons, so my tendency is to make pop culture references as much as possible - just be glad I didn't bring out the Brady Bunch references or refer to any team as a bunch of Cobra Kai flunkies.