Week 6 Recap: Day, Dollar, College Try

I am writing from the city of Washington D.C., in the historic Mayflower Hotel, which traditionally hosts the Presidential Inaugural Balls. I must admit that I have not paid as close attention to fantasy football this year as I have in previous years, and I am far from the comforts of home in the midst of travel for work, so I cannot recap with the same verve and passion I have in the past. I ask you to read with indulgence, and to decide in your mind not whether I deserve the laurels of best recap of the year, but if I have somehow avoided the worst. I know I have already achieved the latest.

Bloodthirsty Scalping Savages 72 at Rolling Rock WildThings 75

The Savages seem to have no shortage of high scoring players; it’s a pity that they are both quarterbacks (and starts me thinking that I should offer a trade). But to lose to the WildThings is quite startling, even for a team that is more known for its empty braggadocio than its talent on the field. J.P. Losman (ha!) and Anquan Boldin were not to be denied this week—I give them their victory with a flourish of my hand to say “Well done!”

Ocean Beach Surf Riders 115 at Sunnyvale Slayers 104

I have no idea who “B. Gradowski” is, and my computer is running so slow I don’t want to click on the link. But that phantom quarterback helped the Slayers rise to over a mighty 100 points, with a well-rounded performance from all starters, including an additional mystery player named “M. Colston.” How sad that Tiki Barber and Tory Holt said “nothing doing” to the newly resurgent Slayers, with a combined point total higher than our lowest scoring team’s entire tally.

SF Sluts 77 at Rolling Blackouts 77

A tie decided by the bench goes to the Blackouts. As I look at this uninspiring match-up, I wonder—should I go to the National Gallery of Art tomorrow, or to the National Portrait Gallery, which just opened after being closed for six years. Because I didn’t even know that the Portrait Gallery was closed, its reopening probably isn’t enough to tip the scales. Hmmmm.

The Juggernauts 75 at Joe's Mother Tuckers 117

Joe’s Mother Tuckers need to slow down a bit. They’ve managed to push the Bobcats out of first in what will always be the Nagurski Division to me. It is nice to see such a well-rounded performance, however, with double digit point totals from all players except for Plaxico Burress. Putting Reggie Brown in his place would have resulted in a truly awesome score. The Juggs on the other hand? It’s lucky Matt traded Fitzgerald for Willie Parker!

Bay City Steamrollers 95 at Arcadia Bobcats of Crocker Highlands 87

I am mad at myself. All week I have been alternating between sorrow and rage. How could I unthinkingly bench Coles for Cotchery, just because of that red cross beside his name? Had I played Coles I would have won handily, beating the Steamrollers so black and blue they would have pleaded for the soothing arms of a “silver phoenix.” I stand before you like an over-eager Mr. Fred, to plead with you, please give me chump of the week, so I may take some pride in my shame. (I added Josh McCown back to my bench, because as soon as I dropped him my team hit the skids—and what’s fantasy football without a little superstition. But, alas, all the Detroit mojo was channeled directly to Roy Williams and his 27 points, all at the hands of the Kitna carpetbagger.)

Mission Manhandlers 98 at Chicago Long-Horned Beatles 49

A big minus eight points from Rex Grossman. That’s the story of this game, other than the fact that suicide attempts make for some good football. I watched a very creepy 20/20 last night—that actually showed people jumping off the Golden Gate Bridge to their deaths. For the sake of his friends and family, I hope Owens gets some good counseling!

Again, I apologize for the lack of inspiration in this recap. Perhaps later in the season, when I’m in a more settled frame of mind, I’ll do better. But remember
this, my word is good as gold!

POSTSCRIPT: Blogger died tonight for a couple hours, delaying this post even more. But I took the opportunity to walk around the White House and ponder the state of the nation.