Week 8 - 2008 Recaps!

Battlin' Buffys vs Gypsy Cats

One owner kept his faith in LT and was rewarded with 28pts. The other owner started Jay Cutler on a bye and got nada.

One owner saw that Matt Schaub and Houston actually has an offense this year, and was rewarded with 27pts. The other owner started Steven Jackson on a bye and got zilch.

One owner saw that even though Dallas Clark hadn't gotten TD's, he was getting lots of receptions and was rewarded with 26pts. The other owner started the Bears D on a bye and got zippo.

One owner won the game to stay very much in the playoff hunt. The other owner would've won if he had just started players who weren't on a bye.

One owner is walking the walk as well as talking the talk. The other owner walking and talking his way to a league leading 3rd COTW.

- Sei

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Annihilators def. the Tuckers (118 - 118)

Ooof - talk about the agony of defeat. The Tuckers were unable to halt their four game skid despite tying Christine's offspring on Sunday. How is that possible you ask? Perhaps Glen's slow internal plumbing is affecting his cognitive abilities you wonder? Nope. MML rules state that in the case of a tie, the win goes to the team with more reserve points. So much to Joe's chagrin, 64 beats 36 in this mathematical reality.

The 'Nihilators had a triple, twenty point threat in Week 8. Roddy "Michael Who" White powered Team Kim, thanks to a 113 yard, 2 TD, and 28 point performance. Christine's QB combo had a pretty good day as well, with Philip "Moon" Rivers and Peyton Manning combining for 564 yards, 5 TDs, and 49 big ones. Still all was not well on the NSCA sidelines, as Jason "Hurry Back Tony" Witten and Derrick "Flacco What" Mason laid a pair of goose eggs. Still Christine had plenty of firepower securing some quality pine time, as Anquan Boldin and Mewelde Moore amassed 48 points between them.

The JMT were led by Drew "Cool" Brees, who tossed in 339 yards, 3 TDs, 29 points from across "the Pond" (as English Melissa likes to calls it). Meanwhile, DeAngelo Williams rumbled to 108 yards, a TD, and 24 points stateside and Dwayne Bowe was on the receiving end of 102 yards and 14 points. Unfortunately Joe got a big, steamin' bowl of jack from T.O., Roethlisberger, and Scaife. Unfortunately for the Tuckers, that bowl of jack was accompanied by a big L, pushing them just that much closer to the cellar of the Cripps Division.

- Glen

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The Nelsons 122 Bay City Steamrollers 155

I drove into San Francisco today to give a last minute presentation at a fundraising conference, for which I felt completely unprepared. As I sit down at my computer to right this recap, I have somewhat the same feeling. My team left over 100 points sitting on the bench, while both the Nelsons and the Steamrollers left a mere 30. Sei's team had few holes, with Frank Gore, Andre Johnson and Antonio Gates all breaking 20 points. That gave him the highest point total of the week. Kanako just couldn't match the Steamrollers' fire power. I must say, however, that it brings back fond memories, memories from the first year of the Montana Mile League, memories of when we were all so much less jaded about football and the world, and when we could still be thrilled by a simple game between to rivals on Monday night ... yes, I am reminded of all this, all those fond memories, when I see the Nelsons starting Kerry Collins. Or am I just remembering all the crap I took for drafting him in an early round that year.

- Peter Schoewe

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Sluts defeat the Surf Riders (146 – 102)

The Sluts allure was too much for the Surf Riders to resist. Westbrook shot his load early with 43 fantasy points, but that premature ejaculation was not enough to inspire the rest of Glen’s boys. The Surf Riders proved unworthy to swim against the tide and penetrate any of the Sluts defense. Glen only had 4 players in double digits, and besides Westbrook, his higher scoring playa’ was Eli Manning with 13 points. Withering on his bench was Kevin Walter (22) and Jamal Lewis (19). Sadly, those 41 points wouldn’t have made a difference in the outcome of his team’s impotence.

Just like Jodie Foster in “the Brave One”, Melissa came out guns a blazing. Only 2 starters were under 10 points, and she saw nice games from Steve Smith (28), Marshawn Lynch (20) and Jake Delhomme (18). Her bench even scored 74 points! That being said, she made all the right moves with her starting line-up. 2nd highest points of the week and she emerges the victor. To the victor goes the spoil. The Sluts move into 2nd place in the Bloods Division. That’s quite a comeback after starting the season 0-2.

- Scott

Week 7 - 2008 Recaps!

Gypsy Cats vs the OBSR

Coming into Week 7, this game was the easiest to call. At 4-2, the Surf Riders were once again showing that they were one of the elite clubs, leading the Bloods Division and jockeying for a First Round bye. At 1-5 with the lowest point total of any team, the Gypsy Cats were the Cincinnati Bengals of the MMFL—slightly dazed and trying to figure out how this promising season had gone oh so wrong so quickly. Going in, I would’ve given Glen a 30pt spread on this game.

Which goes to show, I shouldn’t quit my day job to start wagering on sports.

So not only did Pete win, he thoroughly spanked Glen. This is one of those stars aligning moments—Pete manages to come up with the high score of the week in a week where Glen ekes out the lowest point total. Pete had a solid lineup, led by Steven Jackson (44), and 3 players at 25 (Calvin “Don’t Call Me Ocho” Johnson, Bears D and Willis “What You Talkin’ About” McGahee). Glen was dragged down Tony Romo being hurt and by Marvin Harrison w/1 pt. I remember saying at some point that Starvin’ Marvin was going to kick it into high gear at some point, but with the season almost halfway over, it may not be fast enough to save Glen.

- Sei

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Bay City Steamrollers flatten Sunnyvale Slayers (168-117)

The Steamrollers gained sole possession of first place in the Bloods Division thanks to a high scoring, balanced attack in Week 7 and one serious weakass performance by division rivals OBSR. Coach Lee's wrecking crew was led offensively by its RB tandem of Chris Johnson and Adrian "Should Have Traded for Me" Peterson. Johnson ran all over the KC Chiefs on his way to 168 rushing yards, a TD, and a career day. Meanwhile, Peterson shook off pre-game rumors that Coach Lee was shopping him around for a starting QB and turned in a 121 yard, 2 TD, 31 point performance. The Steamroller receiving corp followed up this onslaught with a bitch slapping of their own. Andre Johnson, Lee Evans, and Bernard Berrian combined for over 300 yards, 2 TDs, 21 first downs, and 63 points.

On the other side of the gridiron, the Commish just couldn't muster enough firepower from his gang of Sarah Michelle Gellar-worshipping, vampire-hunting killers. LaDainian "Ouch My Toe" Tomlinson hobbled his way to a mediocre 10 point performance, while Reggie "Right About Now I'll Take Eli" Wayne could barely manage 3 points. RB Thomas Jones and QB Matt Schaub tried their best to secure a win for Scott, amassing 429 yards, 2 TDs, and 41 points. Alas the rest of the Slayers were too busy catching up on reruns of Buffy to make a game of it. As for Jerrico Cotchery, not sure what he ate for his pre-game meal, but it produced one steamin' pile of jack shit.

Still no need to fret over whether Scott will get this week's COTW. I've got that clearly sewn up . . .

- Glen

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Joe's Mother Tuckers 101 The Nelsons 139

Pity the Nelsons. They have the highest point total in the Sanguine Division, but they are in the basement in the standings. This week, they begin to show some life, with Brandon Jacobs, Clinton Portis and Randy Moss (yes, Randy Moss) firing on all cylinders. Kanako showed excellent coaching ability, leaving only a few points on her bench. Meanwhile, the Mother Tuckers need to be very afraid of an angry, hungry and resurgent Bobcats crew. The MoTus only lacklusterly crossed the century mark, with Roy Williams proving to be an exceptionally bad choice to fill the flex position. As week 8 approaches, are we about to see a radical realignment of the standings in the Snoop Dog Division?

- Peter Schoewe

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The Sluts defeat the Annihilators (139-120)

I hate repeating myself, but to re-quote Bill Shakespeare, “the woman doth protest too much.” Saturday night I was discussing FF with Melissa while slicing fresh mozzarella courtesy of Toby (who is awesome, btw). Melissa was dismissive of her chances of winning. I’ll paraphrase what she said: “it doesn’t matter, I’m not going to win because I’m playing Christine.” For that fact alone, I should exercise my power as Commish and give Christine the win – it was almost like conceding the match. No matter what a coach might think in his/her heart, one should always present an aura of confidence . . . not only to the players, but to the other teams they are competing with. So next time I ask any of you what you think your chances are, optimism is a recommended response.

Perhaps I am not giving Melissa enough credit – she could have been using a reverse curse or bizarre jinx. I dunno. Anyway, she put up 139 points behind stellar performances from waiver wire RB Rhodes (30), Steve Smith (23), and 18 points a piece from Marshawn Lynch and Jake Delhomme (I couldn’t have made up better names if I tried). Christine received a solid 40 points from Mewelde Moore (yet another great name!) and 20 from Marion Barber (the great names continue). The 3 points she got from Peyton Manning didn’t help matters, not to mention the fact that she started Marques Colston who I don’t believe was even suited up for this game. That being said, if you look at her bench, she had a ton of players on a bye week. But couldn’t she have dropped someone for a wide receiver? Glen thinks he deserves the COTW, but I’m going with Christine (sorry Christine!).

- Scott

Week 6 - 2008 Recaps!

SF Sluts vs Gypsy Cats

This week’s version of the Toilet Bowl, with the 2-3 Floozys going up against the 1-4 Itinerant Felines. And this is one game that lived up to its billing, with the 2 teams combining for the lowest point totals of any teams this week.

The Tramps sashayed their way to victory, in part because the Larry Johnson and Marshawn Lynch bye weeks made it hard to repeat the mistake of last week, of sitting Forte and Hightower. But probably the biggest difference for the Whores between this week and last was a weaker opponent. The Wandering Lynxes continue to have the lowest point total in the league and have lost 5 games in a row.

The matchup was pretty much over by the end of Sunday, with the Slatterns leading by 37, but Braylon Edward did make it interesting, putting up a solid 27 pts. Looking ahead, that maybe the most important event of this week for both teams. If the Derek Anderson-Braylon Edward connection starts clicking again, that gives a huge shot in the arm for the Jezebels (who can finally sit Matt Cassel) and the Lost Lesser Lions (who can sit the highly unpredictable Santana Moss).

- Sei

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Nihilators Send the Nelsons to the Vet (164 - 130)

Christine's Annihilators tightened their grip on the Cripps Division with a 34 point drubbing of the Nelsons and extended their winning streak to a league best five in row. Leading the way for the gridiron gang from Silver Terrace were Philip Rivers and Peyton "In Every Commercial" Manning, who combined for 6 TDS, 577 passing yards, and 55 fantasy points. Meanwhile, Marion "Animal" Barber trampled over the Nelsons on his way to 173 all purpose yards, 1 TD, and 27 points. Not to be outdone, Roddy White recorded his third straigtht 100+ yard game and was on the receiving end of a TD, 6 first downs, and a not too shabby 23 points. The final score could have been much worse if Coach Kim had decided not to bench Maurice "I Need a Pair of Tweezers" Jones-Drew and his team leading 33 points. But somebody had to watch Nicholas and Siena . . .

On the other side of the gridiron, the Nelsons produced their third 130+ point game of the 2008 season. But unfortunately that has only netted them just one win and that was last week versus the Bobcats. Clinton "I Got the Funk" Portis had a game high 34 points, thanks to 129 rushing yards, 2 TDs, and 9 first downs. And while his teammates turned in solid performances in Week 6, it just wasn't enough to overcome the offensive onslaught of the NSCA. There's not much you can do when your opponent's defense outscores all but one of your players. And both of your QBs are older than dirt and about as mobile. As for perennial Nelson veteran Randy Moss, he clearly needs a hug from Giselle Bundchen. But then again who couldn't use a pick-me-upper from a Brazilian super model?

- Glen

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Ocean Beach Surf Riders 106 Sunnyvale Slayers 124

This was the battle of "Who Can Leave the Most Points on My Bench." Scott, the victor both in the final game tally and in the amount of points left wasting on the bench, seems to have determined his starting quarterbacks by asking, "Have you ever accepted a snap playing for the home team at Lambeau Field," leaving Matt Schaub's 24 points sitting on the bench. Over at Ocean Beach, Glen asked his running backs, "Have you ever broken a single game rushing record?" When Jamal Lewis raised his hand, the hapless coach sent him and his 20 points to the bench. He then asked his wide receivers, "Which one of you was the fourth player in NFL history to record 1000 receptions?" Marvin Harrison stood up with a concerned look on this face -- and Glen again pointed the way to the bench. T.J. Houshmandzadeh clicked his heels with delight!

- Peter Schoewe

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Steamrollers defeat Mother Tuckers (143 - 101)

Re: Troopergate - Sarah Palin didn't abuse her power and was 100% exonerated from any wrong doing. Did you also know that up is down? Right is wrong? And black is indeed white? Well evidentally this Bizarro world that Palin lives in seems to have rubbed off on this particular fantasy. Jamarcus Russell outscored Joseph Addai (granted 3-0). But still, doesn't that seem a little peculiar? Bernard Berrian (22) outscored Terrell Owens (6). Hmm, I'm sensing a pattern. That would be that Sei's team outscored Joe's team.

Joe got a nice game from Drew Brees (28) and Steve Breaston (21), but with only 4 players in double figures and not being matched up against the Bobcats, it just wasn't enough to eek out the victory. Sei's more balanced attack was highlighted by Andre Johnson (26), Berrian (22), McNabb (19), and Ronnie Brown (19). In fact, only two of Sei's starting ten scored below double digits. Did I mention that he started Jamarcus Russell at QB?

And what Bizarro world would be complete without at least my own tacit admission: I'm gay and voting for John McCain.



- Scott

Week 5 - 2008 Recaps!

S-Bowl: Sunny Slayers vs the SF Sluts

From the home office in Ashland, Montana, Top 10 Reasons Why the Namis Got Spanked (Even though her Parents Don't Believe in that Sort of Thing).

10) They started a guy named "Moose," expecting him to run fast.
9) Their #1 pick, Larry Johnson, got 0 pts from 72 inches of rushing!
8) The power of the player formerly known as Chad Johnson goes beyond his 7 points.
7) If Matt Cassel wasn't good enough to start at USC, he isn't good enough to wear "Sluts" on his jersey.
6) Their leading scorer was their TE.
5) Unlike previous years, Individual Punt Returns count.
4) They were up against masters of the Dark Arts.
3) Cute just doesn't win football games.
2) You're not going to beat a team with 2 Reggies in October.

And the number 1 reason the Namis got spanked…

1) Choosing RB's was never Nami's Forte!

- Sei

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The Nelsons crush the 'Cats (185 - 80)

The Nelsons opened up one serious can of whoop ass in Week 5 on their way to their first win of the season. The unfortunate recipient of all that pent up hostility were Pete's Bobcats. Game factoid #1: The Nelsons' margin of victory was 105 points. Game factoid #2: Five of the Nelsons scored 20+ points, led by Brandon Jacobs and his 136 rushing yards, 2 TDs, and 34 points. Game factoid #3: Kan's kicker outscored all but three of Pete's 'Cats. Game factoid #4: The Bobcats had the lowest point total of any MML team in Week 5.

All that adds up to a much needed victory for the Canines from Visitacion Valley and a miserable week best forgotten for the Cats from wherever the heck they are.

- Glen

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Joe's Mother Tuckers 97 Ocean Beach Surf Riders 139

The Mother Tuckers continue their downward spiral, but could have easily beaten the Surf Riders by trading Kitna's 0 points for Roethlisberger's 26 and Earnest Graham's 10 for DeAngelo Williams’ 38. I didn't even realize that Kyle Orton was the starting quarterback for the Bears, but here I see he garnered 25 points sitting on Glen's bench. Makes me yearn for a crisp autumn day spent at Soldier Field. Ah, natsukashii!

- Peter Schoewe

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NSC (125) defeat Steamrollers (99)

I guess we know who wears the pants in this family! Sei got no help from his quarterbacking tandem of Trent Edwards and McNabb – 6 total points (not that his Hasselbeck (1) would have helped either). On the bench side, Ronnie Brown (28) had another monster week, as did Steve Slaton (26). Too bad in this league you can’t start a RB in your flex. I wonder who’s fault that is (hint: his first name rhymes with gay). All of this

On the other hand, Christine once again had a well balanced offensive attack. 6 players in double figures: 25 from Michael “I’m better and healthier than LT” Turner and 23 from Rowdy Roddy White. Her reliance on the Atlanta Falcons offense might be her undoing. Even a goose egg from the Bills defense was not enough to stop the Annihilators – she administered a fantasy enema on her unsuspecting husband. Sei has left a trail of anal leakage in her wake.

- Scott

Week 4 - 2008 Recaps!

Sluts vs Tuckers

And then there were none. Not only did both undefeated teams (Surf Riders and Tuckers) lose this week, they had the lowest point totals of anyone. Kind’ve disappointing since if they’d both won, they would’ve met in Week 5 in a battle of the unbeatens.

The Tuckers put up a respectable 110, but they were overwhelmed by the Waves who led all teams w/154. The White Turds had a balanced attack w/8 players in double digits, led by a resurgent Larry Johnson w/37. The Tuckers were hampered by Ryan “I used to be good last year” Grant (1 pt) and Alge “Goldfish eat me for Breakfast” Crumpler (0 pts).

In fact, it’s pretty amazing to me that the Tuckers had won 3 games before this week. Their lineup is almost a who’s who of fantasy disappointments so far: Addai, Ryan Grant, Javon Walker, Roy “I’m Playing like a Middle-Aged White Basketball Coach” Williams, Tavaris and Kitna. My question is why is the Tuckers front office holding onto some of these players, like Tavaris Jackson. On the other side, the Sluts have managed to overcome the loss of Mr Bundchen, with solid play from the RB and WR positions. If they can get a little bit of traction at the QB spot, they could go wicked faahr.

Plenty o’ intriguing matchups this week. Besides the Almost Undefeated Bowl, there will be the House Divided Bowl (will Sei get Annihilated? Will Christine get Steamrolled?), the Toilet Bowl (winless Nellies and the lowest point total Gypsy Cats) and the S-Bowl (not super, just Sunny Slayers vs SF Sluts).

- Sei

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Scott's South Bay Slayers def. Good Ol' Nellie (149-137)

Unlike a certain team that was unable to break the century mark this week, neither the Slayers nor the Nelsons came down with a case of cantscoreadamnthingitis. The two interdivision foes produced a point fest for the ages (or at least Week 4). But despite a 3 TD, 104 yards, 34 point performance from Laveranues "Chad Who?" Coles, the beloved pooch of the Takeda-Van Cleave clan wasn't able to snatch a much needed W from the jaws of defeat and remove Team Takeda from the ranks of the winless. Who could have done this to poor ol' Nellie you ask? Look no further than Brett "I Still Got It" Favre, who threw for 6 TDs and 289 yards on his way to a whopping 43 points. On the receiving end of two of those TDs was Jerricho Cotchery (who chipped in 21 points), while LT rumbled for 106 yards, 2 TD, and 24 points. That was enough to secure a win for the Commish.

But look on the brighside Kan, you play Pete this coming week . . .

- Glen

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Ocean Beach Surf Riders 87, NSC Annihilators 124

How you say ... huzzah! The Annihilators romp to another victory, this time swamping the hapless surfriders. Even J.T. O'Sullivan contributed a junior varsity 10 points to the NSC tally, with Anquan Boldin and Jason Witten doing the heavy lifting.

Glen was stuck in the Pacifica fog. Tony Romo and Jamal Lewis did the yeoman's work in rounding up points, but bye week troubles led to a disconcerting number of goose eggs in the Surfrider's detailed score.

I know many people may be tempted to vote the Bobcats chump of the week again. But I ask you which is worse: forgetting to set your lineups because of a terrible car accident ... or being such a poor coach you don't account for the bye in your season's plans?

The question answers itself. Vote your conscience when you vote for COTW, and don't be swayed by any propaganda coming from the Ocean Beach camp.

- Peter Schoewe

Steamrollers defeat Bobcats (137-115)

OMG! This game was like, so bitchin’! Well, not really. I’ll cut Pete a little bit of slack, he did get into a auto accident on Saturday and was posed with the moral dilemma of having to deport an unlicensed illegal alien and deal with a wrecked motor car. That being said, I still believe his qualifications for COTW are still very much in play. Given his Saturday night quandary, Pete completely forgot about setting his line-up. The result? Well, he ended up starting 2 players on bye weeks (Maroney and Calvin Johnson). Had he set his line-up, would he have made up the 22 points he lost by? Let’s see….

Michael Bush – 16 points

Willis McGahee – 8 points

Pete would have probably started McGahee – so let’s say 8 points there. That leaves a deficit of 14 points. That brings us to his vacancy at WR….

Todd Heap – bye week

Santana Moss – 20 points

‘nuff said. Lost in the haze of auto insurance claims and sore necks, Pete did get a great performance out of Stephen Jackson (31) and David Garrard (26). Alas, a 6 point victory was stolen from his grasp upon being rear ended by a non-English speaking gentleman who didn’t even bother getting out of the front seat of his motorized carriage.

The Steamrollers felt redemption this week – after last week when Sei was “technically” ahead by virtue of a tie-breaker after the Monday night game, only to see the cruel gods of fate grant his opponent 3 points overnight by virtue of late reported first downs! Balance was the name of the game this week for his roster, 8 players in double digits, headlined by 24 from Adrian Peterson and 19 from DeSean Jackson. At 3-1 and with the most points in his division, this Steamroller is looking to squash every opponent who gets in his way.

And this picture warrants sharing:

Have you seen Scarlett’s new shoes? Well neither has she. Wakka wakka.

- Commish