The Playoff scenarios

So, to answer the Kittens' plaintive question fully, here are the scenarios, assuming total points as the first tiebreaker.

1). Rolling Rocks - locked up playoffs, 1st round bye
2). OBSR - locked up playoffs, 1st round bye
3). Joe - he's in. At worst he's 8-6 and there are at most 3 other teams who can finish 8-6.
4-6).
Ron/Sei - both at 7-6, the winner is in. Ron has good tiebreaks (record against other 7-6 teams and total points), Sei has shitty tiebreaks, so Ron has a reasonable chance at making it even if he loses, as long as Christine or Kanako loses. If Sei loses he will likely be SOL.
Kanako - beat up on the Kittens, and she's in.
Christine - beat up on the cellar dwelling Kevins, and she's in.
Bill - alive. Needs to win and hope for a loss from either Kan or Christine. Has good total points and pretty good head to head, so he has a chance.

Pete, Chimpy, Sluts, Kevin. Mathematically eliminated.

I think we need to officially decide on a tiebreak system before these games happen. Total points? Head to head w/total point thereafter?

Week 13 Recap!

I lost, so my superstitious ways are over. Here is my quickie recap of Week 13!

Bloodthirsty Scalping Savages 102 at Rolling Rock Wild Things 207
This was the GREATEST MMFL offensive performance in the history of the league. My hat is off to Mr. Fred for breaking the 200 point barrier. Kevin put up a valiant effort, but even his 102 points weren’t half the total of the crazy 33’s. 207 goes right up there with Bonds 73 home runs, although I question whether or not Mr. Fred has been applying both “the cream” and “the clear” to his brain before games (or if he had any knowledge of their actual chemical make-up). DMac 75, BBrook 45, Edge 27, Horn-y 36. How can you even question the greatness of Mr. Fred? I’m gushing because I am in total awe of the Wild Things in week 13.

Emerald City Chimps 78 at The Silver Phoenix 117
Christine beats me with a great performance from Matt Hasselbeck. Too bad the Seahawks defense is as bad as Sammy Sosa sans 'roids. Chimps 4-game winning streak is finally snapped. Crucial errors cost me the game, but I would’ve had to swap out four players in order to make this interesting – and why would I even consider starting Boldin and Burleson or Chester Taylor? The only true criticism I will take is leaving Portis on the bench – but I had him on the bench the past two weeks and it was the correct decision. Oh well, can’t win ‘em all.

Bay City Steamrollers 153 at Richmond Sluts 40
Sei gets -1 from Favre and Carr and still puts up 153 points. He could’ve gone “Mr. Fred” on Melissa had he started a decent QB. The waiver magic of Orange Julius Jones and Nick “I Know Where I’m” Goings netted 72 points. In fact, only about 3 players in his starting lineup were drafted by Sei. This guy is waiver wire-tastic. He’s making this season fun-tastic!

Ocean Beach Surf Riders 168 at Rolling Blackouts 74
Surf Riders are storming their way to a potential showdown with Mr. Fred in the finale. But Sei looks mighty tough too. It should be a great postseason! Manning + Cujo + TO = 102 points. Sick and Wrong. Blackouts can’t find the power strip.

Arcadia Bobcats 127 at Joe's Mother Tuckers 86
Pete drafted both Travis Henry and Willis McGahee on draft day. This move is finally starting to pay dividends. Too bad it wasn’t really working out for him from week 1 to week 12. Joe’s steady decline into the abyss known as defeat continues. Bulger getting injured is no help either. Tomlinson and Jackson put up solid games, but a 0 from the QB and the DST is never something to write home about.

Chicago Long-Horned Beatles 78 at Mission Manhandlers 106
Billy Volek! Looks like Emi beats Owen in this match-up of family feud. A 0 from Bettis really hurt the Beatles. 35 from Muhammad really pulverized Bill’s chances. Down goes Frazier, down goes frazier! A zero from Chad Lewis also wasn’t what the Doctor ordered. I think his week 14 prescription will be to re-insert Todd Heap in that TE slot. Kanako’s bench was horrible – 4 players with 0 points!

Playoff picture remains hazy!

Locks – Glen and Mr. Fred

Contention: Joe, Kanako, Christine, Sei, Ron, Bill. Only 4 can make it!

Let me know when I can pick up my "Champ of the Week" Award --

... for asking Antonio Bryant to suit up in the Bobcats uniform minutes before game time -- and for asking Tom Brady to sit out so Carson Palmer could play, in spite of what the Guru said about Baltimore's strong secondary.

Now I just need to put a hex on Darrell Jackson.

Glen's Week 12 Recap!

Hopefully this won't spell disaster for Glen's team in week 13 - but I guess he probably doesn't care since he's already clinched a playoff berth.

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Since Commish Lee is under some crazy ass notion that his not doing the weekly recap is resulting in the Emerald City Chimps current win streak, yours truly is left to pick up the slack. So grab a seat and a stiff drink 'cause here's Week 12 . . .

Chicago Long-Horned Beatles squeak past Arcadia Bobcats 104 - 101
This has been a disappointing year for Bobcats fans and the results of this week's matchup with their Nagurski division rival just added to their pain. The CLHB were led by Marvin Harrison's 38 points thanks to one turkey of a Lion's D on Thanksgiving day. But it was Donald Driver who with his 6 receptions and 16 points handed the 'Cats their eighth loss late Monday night. Fans in Arcadia were still scratching their heads over Peter's decision to start Jamal "Yo I Be Not Playing Dis Week" Lewis over Travis "One Point" Henry, as well as his decision to leave Carson Palmer and Palmer's 26 points on the bench. What shouldn't puzzle Bobcats fans is why Peter is our first nominee for Week 12 COTW.

Rolling Rock Wild Thing squash the Silver Phoenix 134 - 64
In this week's most lopsided game, Mr. Fred's Wild Things continued their impressive offensive performance. Shockingly the RRWT went with Drew Brees at QB instead of hometown fav Donovan McNabb. Brees rewarded the Esteemed One with an impressive 2 TD, 378 yard game and more importantly 30 points. Joe "I Miss My Cell Phone" Horn and Brian Westbrook tossed in 23 and 22 points respectively as the Thangs collected their third straight W. The Silver Birds' QB woes continue as evident by their decision to go with one Patrick Ramsey instead of Matt Hasselbeck, neither of whom did squat. Still squat was more than what Chris Brown managed to do in week 12 which was NOTHING. What the Phoenix did manage to do was to nominate Christine for COTW.

Richmond Sluts spank Rolling Blackouts 123 - 81
The much maligned, often ridiculed, but lovable gals from the Richmond continued their impressive offensive performance, producing yet another 110+ point Sunday outing. Thanks to a trio of 20+ point performances from Michael Vick, Isaac Bruce, and Michael Pittman, the Sluts finally managed back-to-back wins. And in the process, rescued Melissa from yet another COTW nomination. Alas that honor goes to Ron this week. After a four game winning streak which had Blackouts fans talking about the playoffs, the Powerless Lubelcheks were just that this week. Leaving Jake Delhomme, Domanick Davis, and their combined 42 points one the bench didn't help matters. Getting spanked by sluts while quite enjoyable under most circumstances isn't quite so when it gets you a COTW nomination.

Joe's Mother Tuckers defeat Mission Manhandlers 124 - 103
This week's matchup of Nagurski division rivals was marked by the return of Randy Moss to the Manhandlers' starting lineup and the birth of Kanako's uber receiver and firstborn Maddy Emi. Unfortunately neither could bring home a win for the Manhandlers. Since Commish Lee has chosen to cut the new mother some slack I will as well and not mention the fact that she left 67 points on the bench. Oh wait I just did. Okay well at least Kan gets a reprieve from this week's COTW nominations. The Tuckers were led by Marc Bulger who somehow overcame his propensity to suck in away games and in outdoor stadiums to produce 44 big ones for Joe. That along with LaDainian's 26 points helped the JMT get past the wobbling Takedas in Week 12.

Emerald City Chimps beat Bloodthirsy Scalping Savages 95 - 71
Scott's mojo must be working 'cause the Chimps are riding a four game winning streak. Rudi Johnson led the way with a 202 yard, 2 TD performance during Sunday's Browns-Bengals pointfest. The resulting 49 points were more than enough to overcome some pretty weak ass performances by Marcus Pollard and the Seahawks Defense-lite. As for the Savages, the loss to the Chimps extended their losing streak to a painful six games. Ouch. What can you say about a team that is led by Brian Griese and is worse than either the Sluts or the Chimps. Only one thing comes to mind . . .

Ocean Beach Surf Riders defeat Bay City Steamrollers 117 - 90
The Steamrollers have been doing anything but that the past few weeks as Week 12 in the MML resulted in another loss for the BCS. While Sei was rewarded for his starting of Brett Favre with a trio of 20+ point performances from Favre, Julius Jones, and Brandon Stockley, his decision to keep the Redskins D and yes Nick Goings on the bench was a costly one. The Bay City boys just couldn't overcome yet another typical Peyton Manning outing and a 31 point performance by the Patriot's D. Perhaps Sei can find some solace in his Week 12 COTW nomination. As for the OBSR, they're still upset over last week's bitter loss to the Wild Things and the absence of Teri Hatcher (or any other desperate housewife) from the locker room. Damn that Mr. Fred and his false promises!!!

Well there you have it - another fun filled week in the MML.