Week 7 - The Quick and Dirty

Ocean Beach Surf Riders 105 at Bloodthirsty Scalping Savages 78
Emerald City Chimps 97 at Chicago Long-Horned Beatles 104
Bay City Steamrollers 125 at Arcadia Bobcats 66
Rolling Blackouts 56 at Rolling Rock Wild Things 96
The Silver Phoenix 87 at Mission Manhandlers 45
Richmond Sluts 64 at Joe's Mother Tuckers 103

Ocean Beach Surf Riders 105 at Bloodthirsty Scalping Savages 78
Glen refuses to lose. The Manning/Moore/TO combo is deadly. A -2 from the Giants defense usually spells disaster. Kevin can now attest to this fact.

Emerald City Chimps 97 at Chicago Long-Horned Beatles 104
Bitter defeat! I predict the Chimps first victory in Week #8. That is my BOLD PREDICTION.

Bay City Steamrollers 125 at Arcadia Bobcats 66
Steamrollers were SICK this week - At least 10 points from every position except Kicker. 40 points from Priest Holmes - it could've been more had he not strained his hammy. Pete gets 0 from his TE and 1 from Miss Terry Glenn.

Rolling Blackouts 56 at Rolling Rock Wild Things 96
A 0 from David Terrell with a 13 point Roy Williams sitting on the bench - it wouldn't have prevented Ron from losing, but it also would have at least help him avoid a few votes for COTW.

The Silver Phoenix 87 at Mission Manhandlers 45
0 from Moss. 0 from McNair. 45 points for Kanako. Not gonna do it unless you're playing the Chimps!

Richmond Sluts 64 at Joe's Mother Tuckers 103
How bad has Michael Vick been this year? Just look at that 0-7 record for the Sluts and you know how bad he's been. Eagles defense also got carved up by that Cleveland running game.

Week 6 Notes

Recap -

Bloodthirsty Scalping Savages 106 at Arcadia Bobcats 83
Bay City Steamrollers 73 at Chicago Long-Horned Beatles 106
Ocean Beach Surf Riders 78 at Emerald City Chimps 65
Rolling Rock Wild Things 71 at Joe's Mother Tuckers 69
Richmond Sluts 73 at Mission Manhandlers 80
Rolling Blackouts 78 at The Silver Phoenix 52

COTW/DOTW nominees:
Peter Bobcat - Nada from the TE, left Clayton on the bench with 18 points.
Bay City Sei - 0 from Boo Williams, lost to Bill who started Todd Heap (0) and Warrick Dunn (0). Sei also benched Favre again. I now know the Pack will always put up big points when Sei benches their QB!
Chimpy Lee - Left Droughns on the bench with 28 / could've won this one! - Kicker also didn't even play!
Joe Moto - Oh agony - 2 point defeat at the hand of 33. Mr. Fred gets the weekly Winona by virtue of a 3 point DMac (who played more like Kraft Mac).
Melissa Slut - Johnnie Morton had a great game, but he was picking the splinters off his bum on Melissa's bench (I don't blame her - I wouldn't have started him either).
Christine Phoenix - (-15) from the Detroit defense. What was she thinking?

IMHO - this is a 2 horse race between myself and Christine! Vote with your heart, not with your head.

Player of the week: Daunte Culpepper (56 points)
Disappointment of the week: Rudi Johnson (3 points)

Current playoff teams:
1. Glen Rider - 6 - 0. Eeks out a victory against the hapless and pathetic Chimps.
2. Mr. Fred's 33 - 5 - 1. Easy schedule and reliance on Philly Eagles will either spell victory or it will have Mr. Fred reaching for the Pepto.
3. Joe Moto - 5 - 1. In a battle of the undefeated, the Tuckers fall to the 33's by a deuce.
4. Kanako Manhandler - 4 - 2. Despite Moss injuring that hammy, she manages to stay in there. Never count the girl out!
5. Bill Beatle - 3 - 3. 2nd most points on the year (thank you Daunte) - bad luck with the match-ups so far.
6. Christine Silver - 3 - 3. Should be 4-2, but mismangement by the Duke-ster resulted in a loss that should've been a victory (that mythic 20 point penalty!).

On the cusp:
7. Sei Steamroller - the silent ass-asian is waiting for his opportunity to pounce!

Basement Dwellers:
11. Richmond Sluts - winless. 2nd lowest points scored, most points scored against
12. Chimpy Lee - winless. horrible. ugly!

Week 6 waivers to be renamed: The pursuit of Nate Burleson. I have a bold prediction - The Chimps will get Nate Burleson.

o/o

Week 5 COTW Nominations and Qualifications

Emerald City Chimps - There is nothing I could've done to win, but 38 points is PATHETIC!
Bloodthirsty Scalping Savages - only scored 59, opponent more than doubled their total (135)
Arcadia Bobcats - That growl you hear is the Surf Riders ripping apart the decaying carcas of a once proud franchise.
Rolling Rock Wild Things - Too much 33 results in a blood alcohol level of .20. Having the Philly Eagles on a bye week spells disaster. Mr. Fred suffers his first defat.
Richmond Sluts - Yes, even a 50 point penalty wouldn't have helped their cause...
Rolling Blackouts - Lost by 5 points, started Hymes (3 points) at WR instead of Ashlie Lelie (10 points) - a definite contender!

I think we got a 3 horse race this week - i'll let you decide which horse is most deserving.

Also, what if we rename this award to the "Duke of the Week" or DOTW?

Week Four Recap, Continued ...

I pick up my pen after a day’s reflection, to continue this story told of heartbreak and glory—the story of Week Four in the Montana Mile League.

Is anyone else still surprised that last year the Ocean Beach Surf Riders won the Superbowl? It isn’t that I begrudge Glen his success, it’s just that many dedicated coaches actually showed up at the draft last year—and they certainly didn’t get to win the championship. Now this year, Mr. Moy did deign to participate in the draft, and what did he do? He gave his nod to a rickety bunch of aging has-beens, who, once the season began, promptly started scoring points like they were young, hungry and still only twenty-four. Again this week, the pattern holds: 22 points from Curtis Martin, 14 points from Marshall Faulk, 21 points from Terrell Owens. This state of up-is-downism results in the unfortunate Beetles moving to dead bottom in the Nagurski, in spite of the fact that Bill’s eager young bunch has posted more points than any of his divisional rivals. If Daunte Culpepper hadn’t been on a bye, methinks the Surfers would have been swamped. Don’t worry brave Nagurskites, the pleasure of seeing the Surf Riders trounced will happen sooner than you think. You see, these old men will soon face the Bobcats and their fury!

But let’s continue to focus on Week Four, and turn our attention to the Sluts and the Wild Things. One team waltzed into this match-up undefeated, and one team slinked in sullied with three losses. How can we felicitously express what was the obvious result? I think Janie Frickie said it best: “It ain’t easy bein’ easy.” The Sluts needed to look to their tight end and defense for the bulk of their points—never a winning strategy. Meanwhile, as the Eagles go, so went the Wild Things, with an outstanding and surprising 23 points from Brian Westbrook leading their charge to victory.

I think that everything that needs to be said about the Specialists and the Mother Tuckers this week has already been said. A couple of last minute knees, a load of controversy—and two little girls and a dedicated father to boot. Maybe someday, just someday, our dreams of happiness won’t so easily be shattered.

And that brings us finally to the Mission Manhandlers and the Rolling Blackouts. I must admit my ignorance—I have no idea who B. Volek is (and, right now, I’m too lazy to click), but his 22 points help the Manhandlers get back to their winning ways, with a positively Surf-riderian 23 points from Emmit Smith to help things along quite nicely. Ron must be too busy saving lives to check his lineups—settling for a big zero from his Houston back did a lot to offset the yeoman contributions of Derrick Mason and, yes, David Terrell.

COTW nominations:

Ron for achieving zero points form Dominick Davis

Melissa for getting a combined 15 points from her QB and two RB’s

Scott for not breaking fifty points

I won’t nominate Duke because he’s had more than his fair share of polls lately, and I’ll give Kevin a pass due to the firewall situation at work.

Week Four Recap—Montana Mile League, Part One

Week 4: 9/28/04 - 10/4/04

Bloodthirsty Scalping Savages 61 at Bay City Steamrollers 95

Arcadia Bobcats 72 at Emerald City Chimps 42

Chicago Long-Horned Beatles 86 at Ocean Beach Surf Riders 103

Rolling Rock Wild Things 93 at Richmond Sluts 63

Joe's Mother Tuckers 70 at The Specialists 53

Mission Manhandlers 88 at Rolling Blackouts 57

Given the controversy in the past week, I thought it might be salutary to start this week’s recap with a quick summary of the philosophy of the Montana Mile League, as developed through the blood, sweat and tears of your humble forgotten commish, while he was working twelve-hour days on a windswept bluff high above the Mississippi, when the cold cut through to his bones and the bitter sun set so quickly behind an unforgiving sky: and it was simply this—that every tactic, every stratagem, every cold-hearted ploy was worthwhile … every muscle pulled beyond springing back and every sigh to the heaven’s above … all this was worthwhile if it could mean achieving nobly that elusive goal, the goal that each one of us joined the Montana Mile League for—the hope of someday feeling in our dirty and sunburnt hands the soft, cool grasp of victory. In as much as I saw that philosophy reflected this week, I applaud. As much as I saw it set to the side and left to rust and rot, I grieve.

Hidden amid the controversy coming from other franchises is the sad fact that the storied Scalping Savages front office is in disarray. Long-winded tales of cruel firewalls, DSL installation woes and unhelpful bosses cannot excuse this, the Savages’ third loss (there’s a rumor going around that the entire Savages coaching staff has decamped to South Carolina, not to regroup, but to lick their wounds far from where the internet could reach them). Failure to motivate the troops must have led to the pitiful performance of Pennington (one point) and Ahman Green (five points). The Steamrollers, meanwhile, took advantage of the Savage’s poor management structure, using double dozens from Priest and Moulds (shouldn’t he really be playing for the Bobcats?) to cruise to an easy victory. No wonder Mrs. Steamroller is angling for a franchise of her own.

And here come the Bobcats! Have you ever seen such grit, determination and good old-fashioned sportsmanship from such an underachieving group of loveable scamps? We all have our little peccadilloes, and if a line of cocaine here and there means thirty-two points from Mr. Lewis one week and nine the next (and nothing the next four), we here in Arcadia country are willing to accept that. After all, we have a new dog—and judging from her love of chasing squirrels and pigeons, this dog hunts! The Chimps are cursed right now by a string of bad choices (it was the system, not the player!), getting points in the teens and worse where they should have expected glory. Santana Moss, I hardly know ye.

To be continued ...

A Once Proud Institution Gets Embroiled in Controversy

Ok - I'm not having fun anymore. What I had been doing as a passion and in the spirit of having a good time has turned into a "chore". How can we make this league better? How can we capture the spirit of a once proud game?

My Team is a Travesty

Ok - the entire Chimps team is on the trading block. At 0-4 I have neary a solution in sight. I'm looking for some WR's and I have some running backs to trade. E-mail me your offers - any offers that stink will be promptly ignored.

Check THIS out.

Week 4 Preview

Sei did a pretty good job last week - he picked 4 out of the 6 games correctly. Here's my 1 cent for week 4:

Bloodthirsty Scalping Savages vs. Bay City Steamrollers - I know that Kevin has had some "issues" with internet access outside of work. I also know that he can't bypass the Mercy Home firewall when he tries to set his lineups at work. That said, if he starts 3 players this week who are on a bye week (which is his current setting) then he's in for a world of hurt. That said, I think it might be futile anyway, I like the BCS to take it from the BSS by a 20 point margin. If Kevin doesn't set his lineups on time, I give the BCS +40.

Chicago Long-Horned Beatles vs. Ocean Beach Surf Riders - Daunte is on a bye week, Vinnie is on a bye week, Gannon is out for 6 weeks (and the Chimps got Collins). Bill has neary a QB in sight, I think he would be wise to pick up Drew Brees before Sunday. This is all a mute point anyway, Glen's juggernaut is just too dominant. Surf Riders +30.

Rolling Rock Wild Things vs. Richmond Sluts - Can Mr. Fred be stopped? Not against these sluts! As the Eagles go, so goes Mr. Fred. Eagles vs. Chicago - me thinks Mr. Fred is in for a big week. The Richmond IR list continues to grow, and with a patchwork backfield of Michael Pittman and Aaron Stecker, the Sluts have a bumpy reverse cowgirl ride in front of them. Get ready for the deep double penetration. Ouch! Wild Things +25.

Joe's Mothertuckers vs. The Special Olympics - Will Duke pay on time? Will he be assessed a 20 point penalty? He had 14 hours to solve this problem. Tuckers look pretty tough, especially with Thomas "I'm the new Priest" Jones at RB. Might be tough if he has to rely on Chambers and Stallworth to catch the rock. Duke's team is scarily strong this year, and this week he's primed to win again, but that 20 point penalty could spell disaster. If Duke pays on time, I give his team +10, if he doesn't, it's the MOTO +10.

Mission Manhandlers vs. Rolling Blackouts - Will McNair play? Can the Blackouts win with a run and shoot 3 receiver set? Can Emmitt Smith even run? David Terrell? This one is a close call - with Moss on a bye week, I think I gotta go with the Blackouts +7.

Arcadia Bobcats vs. Emerald City Chimps - Pete hasn't set his lineups yet. I think this will be the week I finally get off the snide. Can Deshaun Foster be the answer? Well, I prefer that matchup over Rudi @ Pitt and Griffin @ Tampa. Perhaps Foster was a one week wonder, but I gotta roll the dice. Pete's team could have a breakout week too, and if he makes the right moves, I think he has a fighting chance. I have to pick the Chimps +3.

How difficult is it to pay $15? Evidently pretty hard if thy name is Duke!